Addicts and those who try to help them acknowledge the need to “hit bottom” before recovery can begin.

Do things really have to get worse before they can get better? Or is this just a coping mechanism, to prepare ourselves in case things do get worse. (“But, please God, don’t let them.”)

It is painful to watch a loved one go deeper into dysfunction and pain. Naturally we try stop or slow the descent. Love demands it! But hoping we can buy them a little time to come to their senses, we end up supporting otherwise unsustainable behavior and soothing painful consequences, thereby sabotaging any motivation for change.

The Enemy is the Master Enabler. He and his helpers do everything in their power to soften the consequences of sin. They teach us how to quiet our consciences and blame the pain of natural consequences on others. There are always sympathetic ears to reassure us that we are “good people” and that none of it is not our fault.

The 12-step process begins with a heart-felt confession that “our lives have become unmanageable” and so we recognize and cry out for the help of God, a.k.a. “a higher power.” If this is sound, then the sooner a person’s life becomes unmanageable, and the pain unbearable, the better. It is hard to wish this on anyone, much harder to pray for it.

Most of us have learned to manage our pain. We live with a low-grade fever. It’s not so bad, really. Others have it worse. It’s certainly than better than the alternative. Until the pain of status quo exceeds that pain of change, we will keep on coping.